Monday, October 1, 2012

Eat Junk Food

Boss, how long you are going to live? In such a short time, why you want to restrict yourself and not eat any of the awesome junk food? First of all you tell me who is that idiot who named it junk food? You know what junk means right? So you are saying that everything they put in that dish has been collected from the dustbin or what?
Arey the ‘junk food’ consists of the same items you put in normal food. Then why this hatred? You know how awesome junk food is? I will tell you.
Imagine you are forgetting to take your Tupperware lunch one day. What you will do? You will be going to eat at the cafeteria right?
See, it is universal fact that all the cafeteria ‘chefs’ were construction workers in their earlier jobs. Arey they put sand, cement, stones and water in that concrete mixer na, like that the idiot chef will simply mix some two vegetables and make one dish that even a baby that is going to be born will puke. This guy will be giving regular ‘homely’ food.
Next counter guy will be preparing the awesome junk food. He will be cutting the onions right in front your eyes with his clean hands and sprinkling them over the pav-bhaji and serving you hot. Now you tell me, which will give you more satisfaction?
That also you leave, imagine what will happen to all the ladies if they don’t eat pani puri? My god! Even if they are going to get married in 10 minutes, they will park their Scooty in the side of the road and order one plate pani puri.
When they open their mouth wiiiiide and push that big puri with stuffed masala inside, they will forget the entire world around them, including that little fellow who is doing one-bathroom nearby. When they are biting that pani puri and the taste of the salty water mixes with the potato and hits their brain, at that moment, even if you ask them to marry you, they will say yes.
Best is when eating the samosa. The dance the people will do when they are suddenly biting that hot samosa no, hahaha, soo funny it will be. They don’t want to spit the hot potato masala, but at the same time they can’t bear the heat also. Too good it will be to see.
Or when they are biting that chilli bajji at the beach, they will also ask for chilly chutney as side dish. Their bravery should be saluted only. On top of all this, some idiots are saying ki Indians are meek people. Silly fellows.
Now one thing you itself tell. Why you think there are so many north Indian fellows at sandwich shops? Already they are undergoing some punishment at home in the form of tasteless food. That’s why they are coming and telling the guy ki ‘Boss, one chilli cheese, double spice, ok? Put extra chilli chutney’. Poor fellows.
Boss, eat junk food and be happy. Imagine what will happen if you are not eating junk food? All the fast food guys will close their shops (demand-supply economics problem). Then suddenly there will be price rise. One plate samosa will suddenly cost one hundred ‘bucks’ and in addition to your monthly 3G plan you have to add one samosa plan also. And you have to eat ‘Ghee rice (dal extra) Frankies’ or ‘Curd rice tikka’.
If there is no junk food, people will not be so happy. If they are not happy, their productivity will go down. Then economy will go into recession. Again. Then people will not want to have babies. Then our population will come down. If there is no population, who will protect our rich cultural heritage and all?
You need all this or what? Better nip it in the bud itself.

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